Sex Talk

Are you comfortable talking with a sexual partner about sex? Does it seem easier to have sex than to have a conversation about sex? Do you tell yourself it shouldn’t be necessary to talk about sex?

‘If my partner were really compatible with me, wouldn’t that person just know what I want without me saying anything?” 

“Doesn’t talking about sex spoil the magic?” 

I believe talking about sex is an opportunity to create more magic. 

An essential ingredient is for each person to know their desires, to be connected to their own sexuality. Knowing your own sexual desires is necessary to be responsible for your own sexual pleasure and connection.

The next important ingredient is the courage to say what you want even if you are uncertain how your partner will respond. This is vulnerably expressing interest, not insisting that your partner participate in what you desire if your partner does not also have this desire.

For these conversations to enhance your relationship, it is also important that each partner is open to listening to the others’ desires without judgment. Listening and affirming does not mean agreeing to sexual experiences that you do not wish to engage in. This does mean respecting and appreciating the trust your partner has in the emotional safety between you to be vulnerable in a very deep way.

Perhaps the conversations will lead to exploring new sexual experiences together. More importantly, enjoying the conversations together can intensify the sexual energy between you, and you can bring this intensity to your next sexual experience together.